Webster Dictionary has two definitions for the word normal.
1. Mentally and physically healthy. Well according to doctors I am that. Yay! I’m normal but then I hear voices in my head making me feel compelled to write stories and I can’t hear a song without seeing/feeling the dance movements that go with it. We’re artists. Are we really ever normal and really who wants to be that?
2. Usual or ordinary: not strange. Who wants to be simply ordinary? To me, normal is finding a common rhythm. It’s an established routine that I try to follow whether it is scheduled activities or my actual outlook and view of things. At our house it is normal for me to juggle my writing, dancing, and the family schedule. Keeping up with my four year old daughter’s schedule is sometimes a full time job in itself! Trying to find a balance is my normal. This is my life—juggling and balancing the many hats I wear and I love it.
However, sometimes the “normal” changes, like I experienced this summer with the loss of our youngest daughter. Yes, she never made it home from the hospital but she was already factored very much into our routine and signs of her are still around the house. We’ve had to cope, adjust and find a new “normal.” While I’m feeling like participating in life again it’s hard to dive back into the old normal because I’ve changed. Grief changes you. I’m still doing what I normally do; I write, I teach dance and I care for and mange my family’s schedule. I spend time with family and friends but I don’t feel normal.
So I’m working on finding a new “normal” for me. The good news is that I don’t believe in normal, not by Webster’s definition. I don’t want to be ordinary – I want to be extraordinary. I’m working on that and finding I feel closer to my new “normal” everyday.